Those two words do not always come from a negative place. It's OK that I'm tired; I've earned it. The dark circles under my eyes and lines on my forehead are permanent damage from my son only sleeping 2-4 hours each night for the first 4 and a half years of his life.
People think that's an exaggeration but sadly it's not, it was very real or rather surreal and often foggy dreamlike. There are things I can't recall at all and arguments that I'm sure my husband wishes he couldn't, lol. I was literally not in my right frame of mind, how could I be?
We do what we have to do to take care of our kids.
Anything that sort of goes against the "norm" of society, or against what we've always believed something should be can be hard. So what's hard for me is hard for me and what's hard for someone else is hard for them. I think about the parents out there that are worried their child isn't going to live and here Zander is full of life. I think about the parents that have to deal with feeding tubes, wheel chairs, physical abnormalities, seizures, asthma, chemotherapy, dialysis and THOSE PARENTS AMAZE ME and INSPIRE ME! Zander is different, he will most likely live with us his/our whole life but he's healthy and that is something I am so grateful for. Is it challenging? frustrating? stressful? sad? Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes but it's also, fascinating, and funny and amazing and it is certainly not the end of the world. It's just our life, plain and simple.
People need to stop comparing their woes. Stop competing to be the biggest martyrs, and stop feeling sorry for themselves all the time. My husband and I are not victims, yes our son got screwed out of the things we wanted for him in life initially but he doesn't know that; so now we just have to find other things to want for him and different ways to get him to reach his highest potential whatever that is, however long it takes.
I so get a chuckle out of people asking why I don't go and do a bunch of stuff now that Z is in school half days and he's sleeping 6-8 hours a night.... I'm still trying to catch up, my brain, skin, & body are not going to repair overnight.
Our family is a work in progress: I have a goal of being rested and in the best shape of my life by the time I'm 40; a husband who's tired from working his ass off to keep us afloat who is working on his own health goals and a curious, most facetious little boy who makes me smile when nothing else can.
Please don't assume you know what's in my heart just because I look ragged and tired right now, lol!
I'm happy to be tired if it means I'm becoming a stronger woman, wife and Mother.
I'm happy to be tired if it means my husband is becoming a stronger man, husband and Father.
I'm happy to be tired if it means we're growing stronger as a FAMILY.
