Here are some things we have in common with our son the difference is that for him it's an extreme version of the characteristic:
I've always had trouble with eye contact mostly because I can't tell a lie to save my life. My feelings are always written across my face and I'm always afraid if I look someone in the eye they will be able to see how I really feel.
I have this thing where I need to finish saying all the words that are in my head. It doesn't matter if you get what I'm saying within the first sentence, I NEED to finish speaking otherwise I can't continue. It's like a bridge that gets washed away: my thoughts are the bridge and I can't get to the other side without expressing them.
As a little girl things were very literal for me and I struggled with the idea of things being fair and unfair. I used to say how I really felt or tell people the truth which didn't take me long to realize that's not what people want to hear. The older I got the less I spoke unless I was really comfortable with the people around me because I was afraid of being made fun of for sounding dumb, or I was afraid I would make someone mad because I always seemed to have an odd or unconventional take on most situations. In High School I took it to the extreme opposite and often made an ass out of myself. I decided if I was going to be the weird chic or the annoying chic then I was going to embrace it and give the people their money's worth. At least then I felt that people not liking me was warranted and I could finally understand it.
In later years it's developed into sarcasm, I tend to say what people are thinking but too afraid to say and it often gets me into hot water. It wasn't til my 20's that I made peace with the fact that most people don't like me; I annoy them and talking less actually seems to fuel the fire. Talking less makes people think I am stuck up when in fact I am just really shy and insecure and overly sensitive.
I think my husband was also a pretty shy kid and was just lucky enough to find music as it is a universal language and definitely a window to be social. Eric also has issues with eye contact. He often looks as though he's not listening to you at all; as if he is more interested in what's on his phone/computer etc. He swears he's listening but to the person standing there it doesn't feel that way. His brain is always moving so fast and he can do several things at once. But because of that he often starts or finishes sentences in his head. So many times I've said, "Where the heck did that come from?" or "Um, are you going to finish that sentence?" He also has an innate inability to lie which has often made him the target of people who can't handle the truth, he's been made the scapegoat for other peoples agendas on more than one occasion because he will admit what he really thinks about a person or situation.
Eric and I both have social anxiety issues; which is funny when you think about him being a musician and teacher and dealing with people all the time. His appears in smaller situations such as calling to order a pizza. For me it's any social gathering. At someone else's house you will often find me engaged with their children, or hiding in a corner somewhere. At my home you'll notice I constantly keep moving playing hostess, cleaning up, changing our sons diaper or going to the bathroom excessively to get me out of the situation. We both like our alone time and almost prefer to hang out by ourselves than in a big group of people.
Simple visual imperfections bug the crap out of me such as excess packaging say from a case of water... my husband will rip open the plastic and leave it there with this big unsightly flap of plastic dangling down the side...that drives me crazy. The flap has to go, usually I'll just remove all the packaging and re stack the bottles. I have always had issues with light and sound. I can't filter out more than one or two sounds at a time. If Eric is trying to talk to me and he has music blasting or Zander is making noise or the dishwasher is running; I cannot tune out the excess noise in order to talk to him often to the point of agitation. I'm claustrophobic and most definitely have space issues. I've come very close to a few smack downs in the grocery store with people insisting on standing so close I can feel their breath on my neck. I have a nose like a bloodhound and unfortunately can smell things that other people often can't or at least several minutes before they can. I don't like to touch certain textures and the same with eating, certain textures make me gag like yogurt or anything super chewy like melted mozzarella ugh. I've had digestive trouble literally since the day I was born... same as my son. Digestion is not our friend.
Both my husband and I have very BIG Emotions. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've heard the words: "Stop overreacting, Don't be so sensitive, Chill, Relax!" As a child I was made to feel like something was wrong with me. Everyone else could get upset but for some reason I couldn't and I could never figure out why. I didn't realize to the other people around me my emotions were very intense; I couldn't help how I was feeling, that's why they call them feelings and as an adult I've fought very hard for the right to my feelings and the right to express myself.
As a result it is my mission that my son never feels bad about how he's feeling rather I am determined to teach him how to explore, recognize and hopefully deal with his emotions in a positive way. Something I wish had been done for me as a child, it would have helped me not to feel quite so alone for most of my life.
I have a "gift" for organizing and it bugs the crap out of the people around me who are unorganized and it seems that I attract them like flies to honey. It's very simple in my brain... everything should have a place, that way nothing ever gets lost. There's a process to doing everything and if there isn't I promise you I can create one. Organization saves time, money, confusion, miscommunication and can increase productivity. I am not a fan of short-cuts, in my experience short-cuts usually create more work and for me completing a task doesn't make sense til I've gone through all the steps, A-Z. It's not about being PERFECT or doing things RIGHT or WRONG it about being THOROUGH the first time so you don't have to go back and do more work or redo anything later... crossing your T's and dotting your I's and all that. Very much like my need to finish saying the thoughts in my head; I have a NEED to do things a certain way.
I have a knack for seeing details that most people don't see or don't think about. I can see what's missing in a company's office system, why things aren't flowing. I am constantly seeing all the "what-if" scenarios in every situation I'm in. I should really have been a risk assessment person for an insurance company, because I can walk into any situation or even just driving in the car and instantly see every possible thing that could go wrong.
My husband always give me crap about this but he has his own version of this issue. While I see the details he most emphatically and sometimes I suspect a little on purpose does not, he can't stand to hear or think about all the "what-ifs". He likes to live in the present right here/right now moment and he takes things very literally.
Example:
Eric: "What time did we eat lunch?"
Me: "About 1:00"
Eric: "No it couldn't have been 1:00 because I was on the phone with Big T till 1:05 and we didn't eat till after I got off the phone."
Me: "So we ate at 1:05 then, OK."
Eric: "Probably more like 1:10 by the time we actually sat down."
Me: (Eyes Rolling) "OK 1:00, 1:05, 1:10, same thing dude."
Etc... Etc... you get the idea.... it's a matter of ten minutes but it has to be precise for him. Now to be fair I'm the same way but with different things. For Eric it's numbers, times and dates; for me it's places of objects or how something is done. It's taken us a long time to recognize that we have the same issue it just manifests over different things.
While I need to do things a specific way he is often able to do things in an unconventional way. The result is the same but the process is different. One of my favorite stories is how he used to get in trouble at school because he would do his math problems differently than how he was supposed to and even though he would still get the right answer the teachers thought he was cheating.
Whatever my husband is into at the moment he is obsessive about it whether it's playing chess, poker, a new CD, a change in diet and don't get him talking about anything to do with music or sports or numbers! He can calculate sports scores and dates in his head like you wouldn't believe and then he'll talk to you about it through-the-whole-process. He has an amazing gift for music and can play most things by ear and is completely self taught and he will tell you all sorts of crazy info about various musicians, albums, songs. I suspect he has a bit of a photographic memory. He can remember what year different concert tours were and who was on them in each leg of the tour (I can't even remember all the concerts I went to anymore) but then he will turn around and not be able to do some of the simplest of things.
While everyone jokes about my organization issues being perfection issues Eric is the one who gets mad if he can't get something perfect on the first try and then doesn't want to do it anymore because he just assumes he's not good at it.
So essentially between the two of us, I guess our poor kid never had a chance jeez hahaha! I used to do this little baby rap (Yep I said RAP) for Zander to make him laugh as a baby and I think the ending says it all:
My name is lil Z
Try and keep up with me
I'm every little baby girls fantasy
I like carrots yeah so what
I also like peas and big big But...but...buttons on my clothes
I can finally reach my toes
I'm teething man it sucks
and both my parents are freakin NUTS!
